I hate small talk.

I hate small talk. I grew up in a big city (San Antonio), where everybody's cold and uncaring, but went to college in east Texas (SFA), where you HAVE to talk to everybody about everything.

I'm walking in the store (not Wal Mart), and accidentally make eye contact with a former acquaintance...
Him: "How you doooooin'?"
Me: (sigh...) "Fine, and you?"
Him: "Faaaaahhhhhnnnnne!"
Me. (whew, that was close!) "Alright!"
Him: "See Ya!"

I hate that one. I never ask people how they're doing. I don't care. I just nod and say hello, or if they ask how I'm doin', I say "well, thanks!" and keep walking.

It's not that I'm a prick; no, I just don't want to ask the wrong person how she's doing and she proceeds to tell me about her irritable bowel syndrome or her aching back.

Then there's the professional small talk. You know, you're with a business partner or fellow worker and he introduces you to his acquaintance with another company or some other networking ploy:

George: "Bob, this is Sam, head of engineering at Dow..."
"Pleased to meet you, Sam, I'm Bob, associate crap inspector at BASF."
"Oh, really, what does that position entail?"
"Oh, it's no big deal; I just try to sound smart, and for some reason those idiots pay me a bunch of money."
George: "Sam, Bob here just got the new ACME Super Crapolater 3000 at the office."
"Really! I've always wanted to try that one. I only have the 1500."
blah, blah, blah.

That one is so tedious. Not only do I have to talk about work, but now I've got TWO tools talking about work with me! Damn.

And my ultimate pet peeve is when I see family or friends, and they all have to rehash old stuff.
Brian: "Dave, man, remember when we were in seventh grade and you set Sally's hair on fire?"
"Yeah, that was funny 15 years ago."
"Yeah, but, man, that's still funny now. Think she's forgiven you, yet?"
"Well, her newest wig fits her better than the last one..."

OR

Mother-in-Law: "Charles, now, have you met y'alls neighbors, yet?"
"No, and we didn't meet them 19 months ago when we first moved in, either. I think I'll wait until they all move so Camilla and I can start over and meet our newer neighbors. If I went over there now, it would just be weird now."
"Well, I think it's good that you meet your neighbors so you can watch each others' houses or something like that if needed."
"Well, last time I did that, I ended up never seeing my lawnmower again."
"Uh, huh. Camilla, I saved the Lifestyle Section for you. You wouldn't believe the wedding announcements in there this week! (Yells to her husband) Honey, wasn't church nice, today?"
Her Husband: "Yes, dear, sure was."
Mother-in-Law: "Anyway, Camilla, did you see Linda Johnson's dress? Isn't that the ugliest thing? I saw her mother in church this morning, and she was wearing the ugliest blouse...and I couldn't believe that Louise Parker came with her new boyfriend; on a SUNDAY! The nerve!"
Me: "Casting the first stone, are we?"