Friday, March 24, 2006

A Fun Exchange between a Spurs fan and Mavs fan

My friend Chris is a big Mavs fan, and he like to talk smack about the Spurs. So I had to put him in his place.

Sent: Thursday, March 02, 2006 11:46 PM
Subject: Spurs/Mavs

Just wanted to be the first to let you know: Dallas: 89 San Antonio: 98

Nowitski : 28 pts 11 reb
Dampier: 6 pts 8 reb
Terry: 23 pts 1 ast

San Antonio:
Parker: 23 pts 4 ast
Ginobili: 8 pts 2 ast 1 st
Duncan: 15 pts 2 ast 6 rebs
Bowen: 11 pts 8 reb 3 ast

Don’t even ASK about Mohammed; he had two dunks over Dirk AND Dampier!
Looks like I was right…your team sucks.
Enjoy the tie for the division; your schedule is gonna be tough from now on.

Have a great day!


“the tie for the division “

“your team sucks“

Do these two quotes go hand in hand?

They shot thirty-six free throws. – Home field advantage.

“It was a big game for us and there was definitely a playoff atmosphere out there. They are a good team and it is a good win for us.“ –Tony Parker

He disagrees with your perception of Dallas.

We got one more to tie up the season, we’ll be there.



No, he doesn’t disagree. He’s just being a good sportsman. What, he’s
gonna tell WB 4 or WFAA that the Mavs blow hard? Come on, buddy. As for
the free throw “difference”, here’s some stats: The two main slashers
for each team got their allotted amount, since they take it to the hoop:

Dirk – 10-10 FTM-A, 37 mins

Terry- 8-8 FTM-A, 40 mins

Parker 7-8 FTM-A, 39 mins

Duncan 4-11 FTM-A, 38 mins (Everyone and their grandma knows TD sucks at the line almost as much as Shaq)

main reason your boys trailed the Spurs in free throws is because they
didn’t take it to the hoop. And that’s what I said would happen. Even
Steve Kerr said something about it in the third quarter when Stackhouse
decided to grow a pair and drive it in, saying that Avery told him it’s
time to take it and stop settling for outside J’s. Your guys are just
kitty cats. Hell, even Marquis Daniels was 1-3, Van Horn was 3-8 (but
he’s just overcompensating for a lost J these days), and Stack was 3-10
(8 attempts in the second half) FTM-A.

And as for your “one more chance”, they meet again in San Antonio next month. Good luck with all that.

Try again.

Subject: RE: Spurs/Mavs

Look, if you want to act like a
punk, you’re going to have to call in to Colin Cowerd on ESPN radio. He
likes to hear from punks like you that can’t see anything except their
blinding love for the home team.

Houston – Bad Team
New Orleans (OK) – Bad Team
New York – Bad Team
Detroit – Good Team
San Antonio – Good Team
Dallas – Good Team

up out of baby land and accept teams for what they are. You don’t just
walk over Dallas anymore in the NBA even if you’re “we love Duncan” San

Oh, and with the free throws, Dallas doesn’t have to
take it to the hoop and play trash ball because they are one of the
only teams left that actually still knows how to shoot outside the

See if you can get some cheap tix, let’s go to the game Apr. 7.



Whoa, there, son. I’m not a Homer. I’m a basketball fan. I am the only one that realizes that over the past 26 games, the Mavs’ opponents have a .512 winning percentage, vs. .545 for the Spurs’. Yes, I am talking smack, but I also realize the Mavs don’t suck as bad as I say. But they’re not quite deserving of all the attention they’ve been getting lately. So before everyone gets all gushy (too late) over how the Mavs are the sexy pick out of the West, how about taking a deep breath and looking at who they beat during their “impressive” 2006:

Portland W (suck)
Minnesota L (suck)
Denver W ot (kinda good, but OT?)
Minnesota W (revenge felt good, huh?)
At Boston W (East team=suck)
At NY L ot (ouch) (Man, you let Isaiah beat you? With that mess?)
NJ W (East team=suck)
At Houston W (Without Yao or McGrady=super suck)
At LA Clips W (Good, but they’re the Clippers for Chrissakes!)
At Portland W (Lucky you got a road trip against the cellar dwellers)
At Golden State W (Halfway decent, but they had just gotten off a big road trip, too. But I’ll give you that one.)
At Seattle W (Oh my God, they’ve got Bob Hill at the helm! AAAAAHHHHHH! And they suck.)
Utah W (In a neck-and-neck battle for 8th place in the West with Kobe.)
Chicago W (Somehow they suck, even with Ben Gordon and Chris Duhon. Oh wait, nevermind; I just remembered they’re in the East.)
At Memphis W (Dude…it’s Memphis. 8th place last year in the West.)
Seattle W (sigh…)
LA Lakers W (I will admit, this was impressive, given that Kobe didn’t drop 62 on you again.)
At Denver L (Earl Boykins just dunked on Jason Terry AGAIN.)
NY W (Yeah, that’s a stretch.)
Washington W (For some reason Arenas decided he wasn’t going to drive; but good one here, too.)
LA Clippers W (So you’re 2-0 vs. the Clips. Congratulations. Maybe by the playoffs Cassell’s hip will pop out.)
Memphis W (Getting tired of these crappy teams, yet?)
Toronto W (Had to overcome at 25 point deficit for this one…in OT!)
Philly W (Good job here. Seriously.)
San Antonio L (Good fight, but once again, the lack of defense bites you in the butt.)

So there you go, pal. Not only am I a Spurs fan, but I can back it up:

Our 2006 losses: Phoenix (they will beat you Sunday), Detroit (you too), Denver (you lost to them as well), Cleveland (they just wanted to see BronBron do his thing), and Philly (again, I must give you your props here. You beat them. We didn’t.)

See? Now I can’t be accused. You beat 4 playoff teams from the East and 4 from the West. You lost to 2 of those teams, and to 2 bottom feeders. We went the same in 2006. You cannot (and I can’t stress this enough) claim the best in the West until you beat Phoenix this Sunday, us next month and Detroit, Cleveland and NOKC. IF you win then, I will pat you on the back.

Until then, enjoy your current streak: Lost 1.



I’ll be in touch.


It's been a while. But I've been addicted to MySpace for about two weeks now. You should try it. It's not the Devil like some people believe. Well, it is if you're a parent and you have a son or daughter in high school. Then it's just plain scary. But for people like me and Jennifer, we use it to keep track of our friends we've lost touch with since high school or college. I think it's awesome. I've been emailing old fools from back home like crazy. I promise: If you give it 30 minutes to set up a profile and look some people up, you'll see that it's a useful and fun tool. Cross my heart.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

You would do this, too.

If YOU were the one standing between these two beautiful women, you'd make this face, too. Awesome.

Admit it. I'm telling you, I've made that face before.


Holy crap, my sides hurt. Bill Simmons is my favorite sportswriter from He's got a very funny narrative style that is just like talking with your buddies while drunk at Minute Maid. He's so funny that my sister even likes him, and she knows less about sports than my wife does! Anyway, he's just posted his latest mailbag, and I swear, if I read it every day for the next year, it won't be enough.

Here ya go.

Also, he mentions Jennifer Love Hewitt once again. Here's a past link to a column of his about JLH from one of my previous posts about this subject. While we're here, Jennifer went off about JLH once again this weekend. Mike called me and said he was watching Deal or No Deal, and he said that he started to watch Ghost Whisperer, but JLH's breasts weren't enough to save the show for him, so he flipped. Jen heard this, and she just goes nuts: "She SUCKS! Why do you talk about her! AAAHHHH!" Mike and I couldn't stop laughing. Classic.

I got my first woot!

I love Woot. It's so interesting to see what they have. One day it's a bagel toaster. The next it's a 61" DLP TV. But it's only for one day, and when they've sold out, they're DONE. Sometimes the stuff is new, sometimes it's refurbished. But I think it's always a good value.

Anyway, I bought this. Two-way FRS radios that you can hang on your neck. I got this for two reasons:

1. Evacuations: When Jen and I evacuated for Rita, we took two cars (I know, that was selfish and all, but we packed our cars with our most precious belongings -- including Jen's wedding dress -- and we needed the space), and whenever we tried to call one another, we couldn't get through, because the circuits were busy. With these radios, that won't/shouldn't be a problem.
2. Marching rehearsals: Sometimes during marching season I get on the tower to listen/watch what's going on with my drumline and/or pit/front ensemble. So instead of screaming down to the snares, "Hey snares! Watch your left hand diddles and chiggida chut chuts! And stop rushing, tenors!" Or to the pit, "Hey, marimbas, can you try playing that part with a dead stroke while running metal chains along the cymbal? And timpani, I swear if you're flat again on that F, I'm gonna punch you in the face!"

So that's why I wooted.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Kirby Puckett: 1960-2006

Kirby Puckett: 1960-2006

Kirby Puckett died today at the age of 45. I wrote yesterday that he had a stroke in Arizona, and he spent his last day of his life in a hospital undergoing surgery. I'll miss him, but at least I know he's in the Hall. seeing all these highlights of him in 1991 brings back so many memories. I remember pretending to be like him in Little League, running up that chain link fence catching imaginary fly balls in center field. He was a great player, and like many great players, he had his problems off the field, but who doesn't? No one's perfect, and no one expected Kirby to be. May he rest in peace.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Another Saturday Night Live Rap

Natalie Portman hosted last night, and the show itself was merely average (aren't they all these days?). Three saving graces:
Jamba Juice: Portman was funny and cute as an uber-hyper cashier with rainbow Punky Brewster hair. Very funny and accurate.
Sasha Cohen parody: Funny joke about Cohen choking. She's in joke contest, and confidently tells a short joke for the "short program", but for the "long program", she's nervous and messes up twice. Accurate as hell, since I can't stand Cohen. I think she's stuck up and overhyped, and I like it when she falls. She ALWAYS falls.
Rap: Natalie Portman raps. Another "SNL Digital Short", this started out as an interview, but her responses ended up being a vulgar rap. Very funny because it's the last thing you'd expect from her. I won't repeat anything here, but here's the link, and here's the video:

The rest of the show was just not funny. Oh well. At least there's the E! reruns everyday.

UPDATE: YouTube took the video away. They did that with the first Digital Short, Lazy Sunday. Sigh. I guess we'll just have to pay for this one too. But I downloaded the first one for free from iTunes before they started charging for it, so suck it, NBC! You're doing yourself a big non-favor by charging for the few things that don't suck on Saturday Night Live. I have an idea: Hey, let's charge people to download the Today Show! And Nightly News! And those late-night infomercials! Phone five!

Kirby Puckett Had a Stroke

One of my favorite players growing up, Kirby Puckett, had a stroke this morning. I remember watching him scale the centerfield wall at the Metrodome for the Twins, and cheering when he hit that home run in the '91 World Series. He was the epitome of hustle and hard work, and I identified with him because he was short (so was/am I). I wish him well.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Best commercial of the year

This Nike commercial features a montage of kids reenacting different benchmark moments in the career of Michael Jordan, my generation's version of Babe Ruth. They're all done with painstaking attention to detail, down to the outstretched fingers on his infamous dunk in the Slam Dunk Contest from the free throw line. Classic, and just an outstanding piece of artistry. Congratulations, Nike. You Just Did It.

Watching TV

I've already spoken about the virtues of TiVo. I get to watch my programs without commercials, and fast-forward through the boring parts. That cuts an hour-long program down to about 45 minutes, 40 if it's a CSI where they show them collecting DNA off of bed sheets with a techno beat going. So here's what I watch, nay, TiVo, on which channels, but I end up watching them later:

Cold Case - CBS (Plus TNT reruns on Tuesdays)
Law Order: Criminal Intent - NBC (Plus the reruns that I haven't seen on
USA and Bravo every day.)
Desperate Housewives - ABC
Grey's Anatomy - ABC
Boondocks - Cartoon Network (Better than current South Park, but not the early SP.)
The 4400 -USA (Bad production, bad actors, but GREAT story, so good show. Also on hiatus.)

How I Met Your Mother - CBS (Suit up!)
CSI: Miami - CBS (Plus reruns on A that I haven't
seen on Sundays, but I think I've caught up since Season 1 now.)
Wanted - TNT (It's on hiatus right now)

Law Order: Special Victims Unit - NBC (With USA syndication almost every day, but, like CSI: Miami, I think I've seen 'em all.)
Commander in Chief -ABC
American Idol - Fox (But only the first three weeks)
Daisy Does America - TBS (HILARIOUS, but on hiatus right now)
The Closer - TNT (Awesome. I'm a sucker for cop shows.)

Law Order - NBC (also TNT, if I haven't seen it and it
doesn't interfere with other shows)
Criminal Minds -CBS (Better than the CSI's, imho)
CSI: New York - CBS (Worst of the three CSI's)
Invasion - ABC (sucks balls, but I've invested too much time already to quit watching. I picked the wrong "Aliens invade Earth but no one realizes it until it's too late because they look like humans" show. But like I said, I've invested too much. And I can't watch Surface or Threshold because I've missed too much, even though I KNOW they have to be better than this albatross.)
South Park - Comedy Central (Still great)

The Office - NBC
CSI - CBS (Also Spike reruns, but I've caught up now)
Without a Trace - CBS (and TNT)

Numbers - CBS
Close to Home - CBS
In Justice - ABC

Rollergirls - A ( I know, but it's in Austin, a city that I have family in and I love going there.)
Dallas SWAT - A (Again, I know, but I love cop shows, and I know Dallas really well, so it's cool to see a city I know on TV.)

Every Day:
Good Eats - Food Network (Alton Brown is funny, and Jennifer and I enjoy watching it while we eat dinner. We've seen them all, so it's awesome when we get a new one every now and then on the TiVo.)

Want to Watch, but missed the boat the first season so now I need to catch up on the DVD:
NYPD: Blue (I've already watched Season 1, but don't have time to watch the rest yet.)
American Dad
Family Guy
Arrested Development
Homicide: Life on the Street
Everyone Hates Chris
My Name is Earl

Remember, I've got two TiVo's, so that's how we record all these programs. It's great, since I can transfer shows back and forth between the living room and bedroom TiVos, as well as put them on my laptop for when I go out of town. That is, if I don't take one of my TiVos with me...

So that's what I watch. Obviously I'm addicted to crime dramas and cop shows. I guess I like seeing justice done, in a perfect world, since it doesn't happen in ours. Plus I like the science part. Usually I'm backlogged about a week, but that's ok. It keeps me not bored. But on top of that, there are a couple of shows coming out now that others are being cancelled that I want to watch that I won't be able to watch, such as Conviction and The Evidence, since they'll be on at the same time as other shows. I guess I'll catch the reruns during the summer.

Jennifer also likes to TiVo House Hunters on HGTV (it helps her sleep), Oprah, ABC World News Tonight, Iron Chef America, Best Week Ever, Web Junk, Saturday Night Live (live and E!), America's Next Top Model, Real World/Road Rules Challenge or the Gauntlet (I hate MTV), and Dancing With the Stars.

How about you?